As I write, Caleb is getting one last test done at Cleveland Clinic, which the doctors hope will more clearly identify where the pain is originating from. They have a pretty good idea, but want to be as precise as they possibly can be.
I could only talk to Dave for a moment as they were prepping Caleb for this test, which involves an epidural. He is with him in the room, but doesn't know how long he will get to stay while they do this test. Hopefully they'll have results from it later on today.
This morning as I was praying for Caleb, the Lord brought comfort to me once again. Oh how faithful He is to me, ever the mom feeling with my kids, as I too endure this trial on our side of the ocean.
It came from yet another entry in my favorite devotional, "Streams in the Desert":
"...at the very heart and foundation of all God's dealings with us, however dark and mysterious they may be, we must dare to believe in and assert the infinite, unmerited and unchanging love of God. [This] love permits pain.
Divine love could alone hold back the impetuosity of the Savior's tender-heartedness until the Angel of Pain had done her work.
Who can estimate how much we owe to suffering and pain?"
I am sharply aware of this suffering and pain, this literal pain and suffering that Caleb is enduring.
And I am sharply aware of the work that only it can do in ones life.
Although there is very likely a genuine cause for Caleb's pain (more on that as we get the final results from all this testing), it has ultimately come from the loving hand of God. A 'severe mercy' type of truth.
We would never choose it for ourselves or for our children. And yet, it is the very tool that brings about the character and qualities that we so long for...perseverance, patience, depth of soul, faith, endurance, etc..
Would I not want that for my child??
So I pray...for God's will, and not our own. I DO want the pain to subside, and that may happen.
But if for some reason it doesn't, if God allows it to continue for any period of time, I trust Him with that.
Praying and waiting today...
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