Earlier this summer, when I was experiencing a great amount of pain in my body, I would wake up between 3 and 5 AM most days, no matter when I'd gone to bed.
Those were some of the hardest, and some of the sweetest, mornings.
Over the past three weeks the pain has gradually faded, and I am feeling better every day now. It's shocking how much pain impacts you; and equally shocking how good it feels to be almost pain-free.
This morning I woke up at 5 AM, but not because of pain. My body was just alert and ready to get started on the day. What a gift from the Lord to be moving forward into feeling better.
As I watched the sun rise out our back window, my heart flooded with love for the Lord, who has seen me through this pain journey since March of this year. I still don't really know the cause of the pain, though have spent hours, literally, in prayer, walking into it, rather than avoiding it.
The pain was physical, for sure. But because it moved around so much (and I did seek medical care in the midst of it to make sure it wasn't disease), I was pretty sure that while the manifestation was physical, that there were other underlying things causing it.
I'd be the first one to say that I don't like pain, of any sort, and try to avoid it. But this time the Lord made it clear that I was to live into it, and go to Him with all of it.
So, over these past months I have released much pain to Him. Anything He showed me, I dealt with, with Him. And because of that, it's been one of the most exquisite times of my life in terms of my relationship with the Lord. I would have said our relationship was good, even great, before this all started.
Now I wouldn't use either of those terms. I'd simply say, I know Him more.
We're headed on vacation soon and I'm actually hoping to pray through some more things while we're away. It's become a whole new way of life, leaning into anything the Lord brings up. I'm learning to listen, respond, repent, receive and cherish these days, and now months, of walking into pain.